‘Ani L’dodi V’dodi Li‘ – I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. This phrase comes to us from the Song of Songs, love poetry found in our bible. In many Jewish weddings betrothed couples recite this phrase to vow and declare their love for one another.
Within a religious context, these words speak of the loving relationship between God and the people Israel. Perhaps it is a coincidence that when you take the first letters of each of these words they spell out the word Elul. But perhaps there is some mystical connection. Elul just happens to be the name of the month on the Jewish calendar leading up to Rosh Hashanah, the month we are in now… and it is during this month that many of us begin the work of renewing, rediscovering and recommitting to our relationship with God. It’s as though we are like two lovers who may have become distanced, yet we yearn to be in stronger relationship with each other.
For me personally, since I define my relationship with God as that unknowable something that connects us to each other, I prefer during this month to focus on the relationships that I make with other people. This may be more concrete than contemplating a relationship with a spirit that we cannot see or hear. As the author/researcher Brene Brown articulates so beautifully, “Connection is why we’re here. It is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”
Think about the kinds of experiences that make you feel good. A good meal out with friends consists of both the food and the company, but the food alone would be unlikely to satisfy us to the extent that the time spent in good company without the food could. Or think about how you feel when you invite people to your home, and the time flies by in conversation and you suddenly realize it is midnight… and you find yourself wondering why it took so long to get together. Relationship-making and connecting with others is at the heart of so much of what sustains us, both for pleasure and in the context of our professional lives.
As humans, there are three distinct categories of relationships, intimate platonic and collective. And research suggests that we really do need all three to feel whole.
For example, were we to spend 24/7 with our spouse, a spouse who dislikes the activities that bring us happiness, let’s say like gardening or yoga, that part of us withers away. But when we do these activities with a friend, we can fill that need…and when we do so, we discover that it enriches both ourselves and our relationship with our partner.
But I’d like to focus for a moment on the collective relationships in our lives, the ones in which we work together as part of a group toward a common goal. The active members of Temple Beth Shira take great pride in being inclusive and hamische. In fact, if you are a person attending our dinner and service for the first or second time, I would certainly hope that not only has someone reached out to you, but that you have already felt included and liked. And that is the beauty of being a part of a community.
I believe that the work of a spiritual community is to challenge ourselves to do more reaching out. We need to make the first move too. Why? Because the benefits we will reap as a member of the group can be enormous. When you can think of 20 people who will be there for you rather than 2, that is a wonderful experience. When you respond to the need of another ‘just because’ they are a part of your community, that comes with its own feel-good. We can feel less selfish, more expansive, more aware, more supported, more energized, and more inspired. We can feel more alive.
And, perhaps, it is in the spiritual practice of connection and relationship-building with each other that we actually experience a connection with the Divine, discovering that God was there all along.